WHO AM I??? This is a constant debate. The world (friends, family, “the media”, etc.) tells me and makes me feel like I should be a certain way. But how do I know that they are correct about who I am supposed to be? What if I want to be something completely different, but I cannot be “myself” due to their judgments or criticism? Maybe I am the only one who struggles with this, but I doubt it. Self identity is a huge issue in this day and age. I speak from experience. I have always been overly concerned with what people think about me. This has given people the ability to dictate WHO I am. I realize that I am only supposed to listen to the Lord when it comes to these types of things, but it is easier said than done. I know that people in my life do not purposely try to limit who I am. It is my fault for giving their opinion so much power. The first month in Australia I absolutely loved it because no one expected a certain behavior out of me. This gave me the ability to determine what or who I want to be. Most of the time it is about little stupid things, but that sense of freedom makes a big difference. It may be as stupid as “am I a long hair or short hair type of guy?” Or maybe “am I funny person in the group or am I the serious one?” I know there are certain characteristics that I want to have, but that definitely does not mean I have them. I realize I probably do not look as good with long hair, but it is something that I wanted to do. It is hard for me to do something other than what people expect of me, but it is important that I learn how to be my own person. Or better yet, the Lord’s. I do not have all the answers to these types of questions, but I am working on finding the answers. As I sit here reading my Bible, I come across many verses that talk about giving ALL of myself to the Lord. I constantly pray that I can do this, but the truth is that I have failed at it. I am going to do the best I can to base my answers on the Lord and not worldly opinions, but I can use all the prayer I can get.
I had an interesting thing happen to me recently while I was spending some time with the Lord. Those close to m know that I have recently been going through some tests of faith. I recently had some sort of allergic reaction and it was not very good on my body. Sometimes when you least expect it, bad things happen. The question is, where are we going to turn when bad things happen? While I am proud to say that I actually quickly turned to the Lord in this particular situation. In fact, something pretty powerful happened to me. I was holding my Bible and praying harder than I have probably ever prayed. I prayed that the Lord could work in my life and that I would stop giving Satan so much power of my life. At that very moment while I was praying these words, I noticed a drip of blood hit my Bible. I felt my nose and realized that I had a bloody nose; in fact, it was probably the worst bloody nose that I have ever experienced. I realize this could likely just be a random coincidence, but I am not going to look at it that way. I am going to look at it as a reminded that Lord is at work in my life. It may not always be easy or visually appealing, but He is there and He is at work. The Lord is “refining me through the fire.” He has my complete attention. I hope that in the future I am able to constantly keep my attention on the Lord so I do not have to struggle so much.
No comments:
Post a Comment